Celebrity Jeopardy
by Aardvark Man
Summary: (Clean version) The wildest eppisode of Jeopardy ever. Special guest are Chewbacca, Shaquielle O'Neil, and Saddam Hussein.


Announcer- It's time for Celebrity Jeopardy, now here is your host.....Bob Barker!  
  
Camera Man: That's Alex Trebek  
  
Announcer: Sorry namesless camera man, since I've been announcing this show since George Burns was pooping his pants and......  
  
Camera Man: We're live you idiot  
  
Announcer: Shit.....Here is your host Owls Hex Quebec  
  
Alex Trebek: Hello people in the audience and in TV land, I'd like to welcome our three contestants on this special eppisode of celebrity Jeopardy. First, formerly from Iraq, and now a fugitive from a U.S. mental institution, Saddam Hussein.  
  
Saddam: Your show sucks, I shall take it over, maybe not the United States, but the biggest thing that ever happened between the hours of 7 and 7:30.  
  
Alex Trebek: I love you too Saddam. And our next contestant, straight from the NBA. Shaquielle O'Neil.  
  
Shaq: Thank you Alex, I'd liek to say that all the money I raise today, goes to Pepsi, I'm getting thirsty (grabs can of Pepsi, drinks it and winks at the camera)  
  
Alex Trebek: Bitchin! And last but not least,out third contestant, from planet Kyshyyyk, the one and only Chewbacca.  
  
Chewbacca: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRR!!!  
  
Alex: Our categories are "GERBILS", "ALEX TREBEKS UGLY TIES", "ACTORS", "RANDOM CRAP", and "MS. PIGGY IN A BIKINI". Saddam, go first.  
  
Saddam: "Random crap" for 500 you filthy American.  
  
Alex: This man was found in a six foot hole and surrendered when he found out he could be shot.  
  
Saddam: Who is Bugs Bunny!?  
  
Alex: No, you stupid moron! The answer was you! Idiot!  
  
Saddam: I did escape the mental institution to come on Jeopardy right, so I did escape, so that means the question is wrong!  
  
Alex: Well Bugs Bunny was never caught either by Elmer Fudd.  
  
Saddam: You're on my hate list Alex!  
  
Alex: Shaq, your turn.  
  
Shaq: I'll pick "Ms. Piggy in a bikini" for 400.  
  
Alex: No!  
  
Shaq: Ok, I'll pick random crap for 500.  
  
Alex: Ok, during the 1920s, this drink was snuck in by bootleggers into speakeasies.  
  
Shaq: What is Pepsi? (Winks at camera)  
  
Alex: Hey Shaq, wanna play a game of pin the tail on the NO! The answer was moonshine.  
  
Shaq: But I don't do drugs, and I don't drink. Okay maybe Pepsi, cuz it makes me think (gives thumbs up to camera)  
  
Alex: Now Chewbacca, since you felt nervous picking your own category, I'll pick "Gerbils" for 500. Gerbils do this in order to have a normal love life.  
  
Chewbacca: VVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!...............RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!!  
  
Alex: Absolutely correct my wookie friend.  
  
Shaq: Hey he didn't have his answer in the form of a question! What is it with this generation.  
  
Alex: Was anyone talking to you?  
  
Shaq: Shut up you dirty smelly coke drinker!  
  
Alex: Whatever.... Saddam.  
  
Saddam: "Actors for 500"  
  
Alex: He played Batman in Batman 1.  
  
Saddam: Who is John McBetty.  
  
Alex: Who?  
  
Saddam: John McBeeeettyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alex: Um, there is no actor named John McBetty.  
  
Saddam: Back in Iraq, a Batman movie was made, John McBetty played Batman.  
  
Alex: John McBetty?...... But I thought everyone down there was named something like Khalimala Shikibaba.  
  
Saddam: Bruce Wayne was based off me, and the Joker was based off George Bush's evil father.  
  
Alex: Thats great, tell us about John McStupid later, now on to Shaq again.  
  
Shaq: I'll take "Pepsi" for 100 million.  
  
Alex: Uh.....dummy......Pepsi is not a category and that much money is not offered on this show.  
  
Shaq: No, literally in the future I will have Pepsi for 100 million dollars. I'll change the name from Pepsi to Shaq Juice.  
  
Alex: Shaq Juice? Sounds weird. What were you going to pick?  
  
Shaq: Yes, "Random crap" again for 300. (Cough cough "drink Pepsi" cough)  
  
Alex: This drink is the drink of a new generation.  
  
Shaq: PEPSI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (dances around)  
  
Alex: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh...too bad Mr. Jordan, you didn't put your answer in the form of a question. You lose points again.  
  
Shaq: Ah Coke!!!!  
  
Alex: You're up Chewbacca.  
  
Saddam: Heh, Europe, invaded many....  
  
All: SHUT THE HELL UP SADDAM!!!!!!!!  
  
Saddam: Filthy American punks.  
  
Alex: You will take actors for 400. What was Charlie Browns famous line?  
  
Chewbacca: AAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGG!!!  
  
Alex: Correct! Charlie Brown says "Og!"  
  
Shaq: He didn't say it in the form of....  
  
Alex: (slaps Shaq)  
  
Shaq: (shuts up)  
  
Alex: Ok lets continue....  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------25 minutes later-----------------------------------------------  
  
Alex: The show is almost over, Saddam has -3500 and Shaq is still unconscious from when I slapped him. Chewbacca's winning with a score of 90000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 points.  
  
Chewbacca: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!  
  
Alex: Now to final Jeoprady.  
  
Shaq: (wakes up) Alex that's it, you're dead. (Picks up Alex and slams him through the basketball hoop just sitting there in the stage)  
  
Shaq- Hey Alex Trebek is a guy in a mask. (Removes mask)  
  
(There standing.... was a can of Pepsi, dressed as Alex Trebek)  
  
Shaq: (Cries) Why did you do this to me I thought Pepsi was my father cuz my Coke sponsors didn't bother.  
  
Pepsi Can: (Voice of Gilbert Godfrey) Shaq, you give Pepsi a bad name, that rap CD you made was terrible, I threw up while watching Kazaam and you have destroyed Pepsi.  
  
(Suddenly a giant coke bottle busted threw the studio)  
  
Coke Bottle: (Voice of James Earl Jones) Come to the Cokes side.  
  
Shaq: I hate you pepsi.  
  
(Shaq is now sponsored by Coke, he is evil now, again someone came in and cut off Shaq's head and the coke bottles top, the shadow dimmed and it was Anikkin Skywalker, the one from Eppisode 2.)  
  
Annikin: I must destroy coke, I slaughtered every bottle of coke, not just the bottles, but teh cans and cups too. Like they were ANIMALS!!!!!! (Breathes heavily)  
  
Chewbacca: AAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH (Shoots Annikin with his crossbows and turns him into a smokin pile of dust)  
  
Chewbacca: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH (Translation: That's what you get for ruining Star Wars you little overacting prissy punk!)  
  
(I guess everyone forgot about Saddam, but wait, what is this he just poured a bucket full of green dog poop. Wookies are alergic to green dog poop, oh well Chewbacca died. Now it's just Saddam and the Pepsi can.  
  
Pepsi Can: Now Saddam, will you join Pepsi.  
  
Saddam: Yes but I'm thirsty (drinks Pepsi Can) AAAAHHHHH!!...................oops.  
  
(In conclusion, Saddam became the biggest Pepsi sponsore ever and the new host of Jeopardy.) 


End file.
